Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
