apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
