you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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