Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
