Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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