bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
