I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
