I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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