...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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