i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
