It's Friday. Sex?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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