Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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