hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
