There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
