It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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