Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize