She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
