Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
