I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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