I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize