you would pick up someone in the library
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
