Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
