The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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