One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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