Buhtt sex?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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