sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
