so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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You don't know the capacity of my vagina
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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