38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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