there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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