I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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