I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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