the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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