Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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