I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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