Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We talked him into tasing himself.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
