Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
