she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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