Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
