I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just google imaged poop.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
