you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
