a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
