Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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