and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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