Got a toothbrush?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
