You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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