i jhust puked up my retainher.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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