When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
