Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize