Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
