I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize