Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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