he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
