Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
