Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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