the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
