evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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