Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
